Often, a trivial event serves as the catalyst. Tonight, it was the subtle sound of pages clinging together when I tried to flip through an old book placed too near the window pane. Moisture has a way of doing that. My pause was more extended than required, methodically dividing each page, and somehow his name surfaced again, quietly, without asking.
One finds a unique attribute in esteemed figures like the Sayadaw. Their presence is seldom seen in a literal manner. Or perhaps they are perceived only from afar, viewed through a lens of stories, memories, and vague citations which lack a definitive source. In the case of Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw, I perceive him through his voids. The void of drama, the void of rush, and the void of commentary. These very voids speak more eloquently than any speech.
I remember once asking someone about him. In a casual, non-formal tone. Just a lighthearted question, much like an observation of the sky. My companion nodded, smiled gently, and noted “Ah, the Sayadaw… he is very stable.” The conversation ended there, without any expansion. At the time, I felt slightly disappointed. Now, I recognize the perfection in that brief response.
It is now mid-afternoon where I sit. The ambient light is unremarkable, devoid of any drama For no particular reason, I am seated on the floor instead of the furniture. Perhaps my spine desired a different sort of challenge this morning. I am reflecting on the nature of steadiness and how seldom it is found. We prioritize the mention of wisdom, but steadiness is arguably more demanding. Wisdom allows for admiration from a remote vantage point. Steadiness requires a presence that is maintained day in and day out.
Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw lived through so much change. Transitions in power and culture, the slow wearing away and the sudden rise which defines the historical arc of modern Burma. Yet, when individuals recall his life, they don't emphasize his perspectives or allegiances Instead, they highlight his unwavering nature. He was like a fixed coordinate in a landscape of constant motion. I am uncertain how such stability can be achieved without becoming dogmatic. Such a balance appears almost beyond human capability.
I find myself mentally revisiting a brief instant, although I cannot be sure my memory of it is perfectly true. A bhikkhu meticulously and slowly adjusting his attire, as if he were entirely free from any sense of urgency. That person may not have been Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw himself. The mind often fuses different individuals in memory. Nonetheless, the impression remained. That feeling of being unhurried by the expectations of the world.
I find myself questioning the personal toll of being such an individual. Not in a grand sense, but in the mundane daily sacrifices. Those silent concessions that are invisible to the external observer. The dialogues that were never held. Allowing misconceptions to go uncorrected. Accepting the projections of others without complaint. I do not know if such thoughts ever entered his mind. Perhaps he did not, and perhaps that is exactly the essence.
My hands are now covered in dust from the old book. I wipe it away without thinking. Composing these thoughts seems somewhat redundant, in a positive sense. There is no requirement for every thought to be practical. more info At times, it is enough just to admit. that some lives leave a deep impression. without ever trying to explain themselves. Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw feels like that to me. A presence to be felt rather than comprehended, perhaps by design.